Sidelined
Crushing pressure throughout the entire skull plagued me for a month. Relief from the pain, high fevers and fatigue came in short waves after hours of lying still; couch bound with eyes closed. The culprit was a nasty bacterial infection, anaplasmosis. I lost 10 pounds and a third of the summer. Why was I sidelined? What was the significance or greater meaning?
Anaplasmosis was the vehicle the universe chose to deliver both gifts and lessons. First and foremost was acceptance of what is. I had to surrender to the physical state of my being. It was impossible to do anything else. Believe me, I tried to push through the pain (that’s my nature) and failed. I like being in control. But the universe was imparting yet another lesson on flow. Teaching me to be fully present in moment. Flow is being present from moment to moment. That’s when you are in sync with the universal flow and all the magic happens!
The infection took root because I was suppressing an emotion, sadness. Holding a feeling inside and not expressing it taxes the physical body. Emotions should be felt and released.
I was afraid to open the dam of grief and mourn the demise of my old life and the old me. Anaplasmosis gifted me the time and space to deeply feel and gradually release the sorrow bit by bit.
The past three years have been a period of rapid expansion. In order to achieve accelerated growth, states of being, relationships, and material goods that hindered or no longer served me were released, untangled or reshaped. It was hard and scary sometimes. But I have to continually Marie Kondo my world to create the space for greater joy, love, beauty and freedom. They feed my soul.
Sidelines are opportunities for reflection and growth. Often, they prepare us for the next step in our lives. Take the time to look for their gifts.
If you need support or help identifying the deeper meaning to your sideline, I can help you.
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