Change

Change is hard. Everything in my life is changing right now. My world has shrunk to the confines of our home. My husband is in post stem cell transplant isolation. An eight-month isolation period has extended to the indefinable future. Grocery store, hospital, the gym and yoga are my only forays to the outside world. Once every couple of weeks, I desperately ask a friend out to dinner.

It has been a slow, insidious progression over the past 5.5 years. We saw friends once or twice a week throughout the chemo and radiation. If Chris got tired, he would drift off into a quiet room and snooze. He was happy to just be near the action. Then the secondary MDS started and acute leukemia is no joke. The fatigue was overwhelming, worse than his stage 4 prostate cancer. The 911 calls and trips to the ER became a regular part of our routine. That’s when the invites started to dry up. As a half of a couple, I learned that people prefer to socialize as full couples and uneven numbers are not welcome at dining tables.

Meditation and movement keep me company now. I quiet my mind and move my body in hopes of gracefully flowing with all the change. These solitary pursuits prepare me for the uncharted future.

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